Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
