Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize