it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
