Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize