I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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