you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i came on her dog
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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