Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
