I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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