uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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