we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
