I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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