I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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