Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
