i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
