when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
