i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
