I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
