it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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