after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
