Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
being pregnant is like rehab
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
