all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
