uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
