Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
