I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
