I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
