my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
