This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
