My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
