Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
please don't ironically join a cult
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