New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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