My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
nutella sex= disaster
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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