You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
