Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm bleeding and have questions
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