You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
