K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
