Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
