I got chris browned last night
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
