The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
