Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm passing your future prison.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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