is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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