I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
