Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
