We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
