My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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