Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
