I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
