where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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