hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
