Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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