Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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