i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
