tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
