he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
