I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
