# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
