Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize