my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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