I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize