don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
