i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
