Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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