i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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