I think scott just propositioned me for sex
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize