Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
