Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
