Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize