KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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