Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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