Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
