Dual....:-)
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Also, beer. Big fan.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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