Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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