She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
