i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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