you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
