I can't breathe out the right side of my face
vagina is talking i cant
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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