she was so not down for the gang bang
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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