I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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